Monday, August 18, 2014

Finding the Beauty in Scars

I have scars.  In fact, to my knowledge, I have three of them. When I was 4, I had just got done watching the Olympic Ice Skaters, and was sure I could do the same thing...in my living room...on carpet....this resulted in me kissing the coffee table with my face, and, my first scar.  It got me right smack dab in the middle of my forehead.  At 11, I was scrubbing the kitchen floor on my hands and knees and got cut by a piece of glass that had been missed from a broken dish.  Then at 16, I decided to go mountain biking at Applegate lake, hit a rock, and flipped down the side of a hill, (gracefully, I'm sure) which cut my leg open.  Like I said, I have scars. However, I never really think about them. I don't show them to everyone. I don't think if you've talked to me I've ever introduced myself and said, "Hi, I'm Krista, do you want to see my scars?  In no way do they affect my daily life.  They are simply just a part of me.  A part of me that if someone asks, I can tell a cool little story about.  

I say the above, knowing all to well, that not every scar is small and insignificant....or even physical.  Some scars can go so deep in a person that, it is all they think about.  It does affect their daily life, and no matter how hard they try, when they talk to other people they feel like the only part of them that is showing is their scars. Abuse, abandonment, betrayal, low self worth, insecurity, loneliness, etc.


When you look in the mirror, what do you see?  At different times in my life, when I've looked in the mirror, I've seen the blemishes, the mistakes, the not good enoughs.  I've felt lonely and afraid, and have not had a lot of hope.  It is in those times when it feels like nothing good could possibly come from the situation I'm in, or from the hurt or wound that is there.  All I see is ugliness.

That is where the title of this blog comes in.  How do you find beauty in scars? 

Psalms 147:3 says, "He (God) heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."  When you come to that place that says, I'm tired of trying to fix this in my own strength, I can't do this on my own, I need you God,  He is there.  His Word says that there's healing available to you and I, when we cry out to Him.  When you let the Lord begin to work in your life, there will come a time when you'll notice that the hurt and wounds that used to be so tender - so tough - so in your face - aren't the same.  The beauty of scars is that they are evidence that there was a wound there at one time, but healing has taken place.  What's even more beautiful is when suddenly you see the scars in your life, and realize you have a story to tell.  Not like the ones I talked about earlier, but stories that will impact someone else's life because it will bring them hope that they can overcome too. 

You were never meant to live as a victim.  You are meant to live victoriously!  I don't know what you've been through, but I know that whatever the enemy of your soul meant for bad, God can turn to good.  Don't be robbed of joy. Look at your wounds for what they are, without minimizing or maximizing them.  Then ask the Lord to help you and to heal you.  It probably won't happen over night, but with the consistent washing of His word, it will happen.  I look forward to hearing your story.

Friday, September 27, 2013

Windows of Opportunity

If you are the type of parent who has never been frustrated, wearied, plagued w/ guilt, or just plain tired, then this blog is not for you.  If however, in the midst of sleepless nights, high energy children, and a full schedule, you've often asked yourself the questions, "is there really such thing as alone time or sleep","will I ever be able to just go to the bathroom w/out being interrupted", "are my kids the only one's who act like this", and then of course the infamous "who am I ?", then read on.  This blog is for you and all of the other devoted Mom's and Dad's in the world who often wonder if we're doing this parent thing right.

Right off the bat I want to mention two things.  First, I am a Christian.  I love Jesus w/ all of my heart, and I know that with out Him there isn't anything in my life that would be successful long term. So, to Him, be the glory. Secondly, with all the questions, worries, and "off days" that come along w/ parenting, in my opinion, there is absolutley no greater thing in this life then to be a Mom. I wouldn't change it for the world.  With those two things established, here's a candid look into my world as a young mother.

March 1, 2005 Journal Entry ( ages of kids - 8, 6, 2 1/2, and 4 months)

"Lord, please help me w/ (a certain child).  There are times like yesterday and today where I don't even want to be around them. They're not listening, not responding to discipline, hitting other kids, their favorite word to me is no, and I'm going to go insane!  I'm yelling and being a horrible example of love, patience, and virtue towards the other kids.  Please help me!  I love them and would lay my life down for them in a heartbeat.  I want them to grow up respectful and loving towards people.  I want them to have a heart after God,  I want to know how to communicate to them clearly, so we're both not frustrated."

This entry was just one of my many infant and toddler stage entries.  I share it to show you that everyone has those "off days, off weeks, off seasons", and that you are not alone.  One of the biggest struggles I had was the feeling that I was alone.  Now by all accounts, I wasn't.  My husband is amazing, my church family was amazing, I had good friends, but many of them were in different stages of their life, and the ones who were in the same stage as I was seemed to have it all together. At the end of the day, there were times where I felt very lonely.  Stuck in a world of crying babies, dirty diapers, mile high laundry, and I would have given just about anything in the world to just have some sense of sanity. 

When you are a parent w/ young children it is nearly impossible to find alone time, because if you do, it's very possible the walls may be colored on when you come back.  (this has happened) However, I think that whether you are a working Mom, a stay at home Mom, or a work at home Mom it is one of the most important things to to find, and when you do, treasure it. Now, you most likely are not going to find it in long periods of time. If you wait until you can have a full day off, you will probably be waiting a long time.  That is where the title of this blog comes in.  You have to purposefully look for windows of opportunity to refresh your soul.

Window of Opportunity - A brief time period in which an opportunity exists.

I knew that the most important way that I was going to be refreshed was to find my strength in the Lord.  I also knew that almost every time I would get up early to do devotions I would either have a child who decided to wake up and need my attention, or I was so tired it was hard to stay focused.  So, though my personal devotional life at the time was a bit scattered, I took advantage of what I could.  Those windows of opportunity where I would find my self alone, even for a few minutes, in the presence of the Lord.

April 25, 2006

"Today God said the joy of the Lord will be my strength.  I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted not forsaken, struck down but not destroyed. God is my strength. He is my peace.  He is my joy".

My encouragement to any young mother would be to not forsake the house of the Lord.  I remember when my kids were infants.  Everytime I would go to church it would seem like a big ordeal.  Wake up early, get the baby ready, get myself ready, feed the baby, pack the diaper bag, get to church, only to miss the message because they happened to want to eat again and I was stuck in the Nursing Room.  For the first few months, all I kept thinking of is "what is the point?"  But you know what it did? Going every Sunday whether it was convenient or not, produced a pattern of faithfulness in us that has continued on to this day.  It also became a window of opportunity for me to get my soul refreshed.  After a few months, you better believe I was the parent who took my baby right to the Nursery.  If a teenage girl wanted to hold my baby, I'd let them. Are you kidding me?  This was an opportunity to have a future babysitter for date nights or coffee out w/ my girlfriends.  It was also an immediate break (even if it was just for 10 minutes) and I took full advantage of the time.

I have had some friends who felt guilty for leaving their children w/ a babysitter.  In my case, I was with my kids all of the time.  I decided when my daughter Emily was almost a year old that I would start an in home daycare business.  It was a way that I could stay at home with them, and yet still help provide an income for our family.  But that's not the case for everyone.  Some friends I know work a full time job outside of the home, and in the evenings or on weekends they want to spend time w/ the kids.  I agree.  It is important to be with them.  It is also important for you to find the time you need. Maybe for you the best investment you can make is a $10 bathtub pillow and some bubble bath.  At the end of the day, after the kids are in bed, treat yourself to a relaxing bath.  While you're in there, purposefully think to yourself, "this is my window of opportunity." I guarantee you that this will become a sacred moment. Remember, it's the little moments through out the day that count.  Don't wait for "the day" when you can find alone time.  It probably won't happen.

If you're married, I'm going to shout this.....You must plan for date nights!!!!  Date nights don't have to be expensive, and they don't have to be long.  But, they have to be. I would say, at least once a month.  Please please please understand, one of the best things that you can do for your kids is have them see how much their Mom and Dad love eachother. My husband is my best friend, and the kids know it. You know what else?  They love it!  This doesn't just happen... it's worked for.  It's the same principle that I spoke about earlier.  You just do it, even if at first it's inconvenient. You just do it, even if the kids cry because they don't want you to leave. You just do it, even if you have no money and all you can afford to do is go sit on a park bench and talk or walk around the mall and window shop. You just do it, even if you go out and all you talk about is the kids. That's ok! Seasons change, and you don't want to be in a situation one day where all the kids have gottten older and you're looking across at your mate and wondering, "what happened to us?"

I have so many thoughts on this subject, I think I could write a book.  You're children are the biggest blessing in your life.  The way it feels to hold your newborn baby, to look into your toddlers eyes and just see the wonder and amazement they have for everything, to ponder them as they grow and start having dreams of their own, or to watch in awe as they walk down the aisle on their wedding day, really, all of these stages are just windows of opportunity in our lifetime. They are always there, presenting themselves. Don't ever underestimate the power of them.  







Wednesday, March 7, 2012

In it for the Win!

The first time I ever remember winning something that was really big was when I was in the 6th grade.  It was 1986, and we were at the skating rink on a Friday night.  The whole theme for the night was based off of Michael Jackson's new Thriller album.  They were randomly calling names that were entered into a drawing. Some of the prizes were free meal tickets, free skating passes, posters, etc.  The big prize however, was an autographed Thriller Record w/ a picture of Michael Jackson on both sides. The time had finally come. The lights had been dimmed and the crowd was anxiously awaiting the DJ to call out the name of the winner.  When he called my name, that began a lifetime of loving to win. Over the next several years I was constantly asking my Mom to drive me down to the local radio station because I had won some sort of contest. 

I never played sports, so in that arena I was never competitive.  That is, at least until I had kids who played sports.  However, invite me to a baby or wedding shower, and I'll do just about anything to win one of those prizes!   You can never have too many bottles of bubble bath. (lol)  What can I say?  I love to win!  And the way I see it, other's probably do to.

Wouldn't it be amazing if everything in life was a win?  Whether it was in the area of relationships, raising kids, having a career, or in the area of your health, things were just always perfect.  However, life is not a contest or random drawing, and nothing is always perfect.  I think we could agree that sometimes it is hard to see past certain circumstances you may be going through. Do you know what I beleive though?  I believe that in every senario, it is possible for a person to find a win.

Hebrews 11:1 says that "faith is the things hope for, with the evidence of things not seen".  This means that there can be times in your life when something 'looks' like a losing battle.  How could anything good come out of it?   BUT, you believe somehow someway it can.  I would challenge you to have faith once again. Believe that when the Bible talks about Satan meaning things for bad, God can turn them into good - it's true. 

I am almost 38 now, and there have been many situations I've gone through, that have felt hopelesss.  But, God is so faithful.  When I put my complete trust in Him, and venture to walk out in faith one more time - He will always show me the win - and He will you, too!

Friday, August 12, 2011

Changing Form - Week 4 Day 2

Have you ever been on a journey and something just didn't feel quite right?  That's how I was starting to feel towards the end of last week.  I have been running for 4 weeks now, and to my surprise it wasn't being winded that was taking a bit of a toll on me, it was my knee.  Almost from the beginning at Week 1 it has been bothering me and during Week 3 at times the pain was almost unbearable.  I was worried I would have to stop for awhile because I didn't know if I had actually injured myself.

A friend of mine told me some forming tips that she thought might help.  One of them was focusing on making sure I was running heal first.  When I went for my run last night, and started to focus on that, I realized that I had been running  toe first alot of the time. That one change of form helped my entire experience.  I went faster, ran farther, and hurt less then any other time before.  This morning I woke up, and I am not hobbling around like I was.

You can relate this to many things.  For me it was running, but you could relate it to any aspect of life.  What journey are you on?  If it's so difficult you feel like you may need to quit, check your form.  One small adjustment can sometimes make the world of difference! 

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

My First "Oh Crap" Moment

The title of this blog got you didn't it!   It got you wondering, "ok what did she do now?"  Well read on and I'll tell you.  Thankfully it wasn't like I fell in front of anyone, like I've done before while trying to rollerblade.  However, that included a huge hill, lots of traffic, and my ego shattering into a million pieces!  It's also a different story, and has nothing to do with what happened Mon. night.

I was already feeling a bit apprehensive because this is Week 3 Day 1, and I was going to have to run longer then I had before.  Throw in the fact that it was "that time of the month", and Sean wasn't going to be able to run with me, so I was by myself for the first time.  However, I'm feeling very dedicated to doing this, so I put on my ipod and headed out the door.

All was ok during the 5 minute warm up walk.  I knew that I would head all the way down Princess Way, and turn towards the school.  I also knew that right before I hit the school my trustee little person would pop up on the program and tell me to start running.  What I didn't know was that there would be about 30 plus football players practicing in the field where the track was!  So there it was, when I saw all those guys in uniform, my first "oh crap" moment.

First of all, at this point I would not want to run in front of anyone, except Sean, because let's just say it's not pretty.  I'm over weight, awkward, slow, and I shuffle.  Second of all, I escpecially would not do it around a track during football practice.  I figured I had approximately 30 sec. to figure out what I was going to do, until "the voice" demanded me to start running.  Was I going to run back from where I came (which would have been uphill)? Was I going to quit?  Then the thought came to me that I could just run back and forth on the street that the entrance to the school was on.  It was about a 4 block straight stretch.

And that is what I did.... Yes I had to dodge people parking and getting out of their cars.  Yes I also had to pass by people working in their yard a few times over. Yes I had to do this all the while being by myself the first time.  But, yes... I DID IT!

Week 3 Day 1 complete without interruption!

Friday, July 29, 2011

Week 2 Day 2 (Couch Potato to 5 K)

This morning I woke up and am definately feeling the effects of our run last night.  Everything from my knees down is sore.  Sean said it may be shin splints, I'm not sure.  I am down 4 pounds now, which I'm thrilled about! Since I'm exercising I thought I'd probably better eat healthier to. lol  The two seem to go hand in hand. 

This week we are running 90 seconds, and then walking 2 minutes for 20 minutes.  It seems almost easier then last week, however, I am dreading next week a bit.  Week 3 I will be running 3 minutes then walking 90 sec.  I know I am really out of shape.  To some of you that probably sounds like nothing.  Hard to believe in only 6 more weeks I should be running 45 minutes non stop!  It'll be interesting to say the least.

My friend decided to join us yesterday.  Though she is not actually running with us, she is doing her treadmill at her home.  Super proud of her!  She was pretty excited when she texted me this morning.

Tomorrow we will do it again, and so Week 2 will be complete.  I think of where this could all lead to, and it's pretty exciting.  The most important thing though for me still is to be healthy and active for my family.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Day 3 / Week 1 Complete on Couch Potato to 5 K

This morning I woke up and one of the very last things I wanted to do was run. For scheduling purposes we decided to do a morning run instead of an evening time one. I always thought of myself as a morning person, however I suppose that's when I'm in my house drinking a cup of coffee, not on the track.

I knew going out it was going to be difficult. I was sore from the run we did Thursday night, and my head was threatening to have a headache coming on. Luckily for me, I have Sean, who today was the coach who pushed me to do something I didn't want to. Accountability is a good thing! My anticipation of a hard time became reality. By the time we ran half way around the track on our first lap I thought I may die. of course, then you're thinking if I feel like this now, how in the world am I going to do this four more times?

I was surprised it actually got a bit easier by the time I was done. It requires some focus and determination, but I am proud to say that the first week of this program has been complete.

When I got home Sean showed me a video that he had watched last year when he started running. It was so inspiring that I wanted to share it here. It's about a man who was extremely overweight and one day he decided to run. Then the next day he decided to run again, and again and again. You'll have to watch it to hear his story and see the finished result.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SbXgQqbOoU

It's hard to believe that this time last week it hadn't even entered my mind to run. Don't ever under estimate the power of a thought that comes to your mind suddenly. It may just change your life.