If you are the type of parent who has never been frustrated, wearied, plagued w/ guilt, or just plain tired, then this blog is not for you. If however, in the midst of sleepless nights, high energy children, and a full schedule, you've often asked yourself the questions, "is there really such thing as alone time or sleep","will I ever be able to just go to the bathroom w/out being interrupted", "are my kids the only one's who act like this", and then of course the infamous "who am I ?", then read on. This blog is for you and all of the other devoted Mom's and Dad's in the world who often wonder if we're doing this parent thing right.
Right off the bat I want to mention two things. First, I am a Christian. I love Jesus w/ all of my heart, and I know that with out Him there isn't anything in my life that would be successful long term. So, to Him, be the glory. Secondly, with all the questions, worries, and "off days" that come along w/ parenting, in my opinion, there is absolutley no greater thing in this life then to be a Mom. I wouldn't change it for the world. With those two things established, here's a candid look into my world as a young mother.
March 1, 2005 Journal Entry ( ages of kids - 8, 6, 2 1/2, and 4 months)
"Lord, please help me w/ (a certain child). There are times like yesterday and today where I don't even want to be around them. They're not listening, not responding to discipline, hitting other kids, their favorite word to me is no, and I'm going to go insane! I'm yelling and being a horrible example of love, patience, and virtue towards the other kids. Please help me! I love them and would lay my life down for them in a heartbeat. I want them to grow up respectful and loving towards people. I want them to have a heart after God, I want to know how to communicate to them clearly, so we're both not frustrated."
This entry was just one of my many infant and toddler stage entries. I share it to show you that everyone has those "off days, off weeks, off seasons", and that you are not alone. One of the biggest struggles I had was the feeling that I was alone. Now by all accounts, I wasn't. My husband is amazing, my church family was amazing, I had good friends, but many of them were in different stages of their life, and the ones who were in the same stage as I was seemed to have it all together. At the end of the day, there were times where I felt very lonely. Stuck in a world of crying babies, dirty diapers, mile high laundry, and I would have given just about anything in the world to just have some sense of sanity.
When you are a parent w/ young children it is nearly impossible to find alone time, because if you do, it's very possible the walls may be colored on when you come back. (this has happened) However, I think that whether you are a working Mom, a stay at home Mom, or a work at home Mom it is one of the most important things to to find, and when you do, treasure it. Now, you most likely are not going to find it in long periods of time. If you wait until you can have a full day off, you will probably be waiting a long time. That is where the title of this blog comes in. You have to purposefully look for windows of opportunity to refresh your soul.
Window of Opportunity - A brief time period in which an opportunity exists.
I knew that the most important way that I was going to be refreshed was to find my strength in the Lord. I also knew that almost every time I would get up early to do devotions I would either have a child who decided to wake up and need my attention, or I was so tired it was hard to stay focused. So, though my personal devotional life at the time was a bit scattered, I took advantage of what I could. Those windows of opportunity where I would find my self alone, even for a few minutes, in the presence of the Lord.
April 25, 2006
"Today God said the joy of the Lord will be my strength. I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted not forsaken, struck down but not destroyed. God is my strength. He is my peace. He is my joy".
My encouragement to any young mother would be to not forsake the house of the Lord. I remember when my kids were infants. Everytime I would go to church it would seem like a big ordeal. Wake up early, get the baby ready, get myself ready, feed the baby, pack the diaper bag, get to church, only to miss the message because they happened to want to eat again and I was stuck in the Nursing Room. For the first few months, all I kept thinking of is "what is the point?" But you know what it did? Going every Sunday whether it was convenient or not, produced a pattern of faithfulness in us that has continued on to this day. It also became a window of opportunity for me to get my soul refreshed. After a few months, you better believe I was the parent who took my baby right to the Nursery. If a teenage girl wanted to hold my baby, I'd let them. Are you kidding me? This was an opportunity to have a future babysitter for date nights or coffee out w/ my girlfriends. It was also an immediate break (even if it was just for 10 minutes) and I took full advantage of the time.
I have had some friends who felt guilty for leaving their children w/ a babysitter. In my case, I was with my kids all of the time. I decided when my daughter Emily was almost a year old that I would start an in home daycare business. It was a way that I could stay at home with them, and yet still help provide an income for our family. But that's not the case for everyone. Some friends I know work a full time job outside of the home, and in the evenings or on weekends they want to spend time w/ the kids. I agree. It is important to be with them. It is also important for you to find the time you need. Maybe for you the best investment you can make is a $10 bathtub pillow and some bubble bath. At the end of the day, after the kids are in bed, treat yourself to a relaxing bath. While you're in there, purposefully think to yourself, "this is my window of opportunity." I guarantee you that this will become a sacred moment. Remember, it's the little moments through out the day that count. Don't wait for "the day" when you can find alone time. It probably won't happen.
If you're married, I'm going to shout this.....You must plan for date nights!!!! Date nights don't have to be expensive, and they don't have to be long. But, they have to be. I would say, at least once a month. Please please please understand, one of the best things that you can do for your kids is have them see how much their Mom and Dad love eachother. My husband is my best friend, and the kids know it. You know what else? They love it! This doesn't just happen... it's worked for. It's the same principle that I spoke about earlier. You just do it, even if at first it's inconvenient. You just do it, even if the kids cry because they don't want you to leave. You just do it, even if you have no money and all you can afford to do is go sit on a park bench and talk or walk around the mall and window shop. You just do it, even if you go out and all you talk about is the kids. That's ok! Seasons change, and you don't want to be in a situation one day where all the kids have gottten older and you're looking across at your mate and wondering, "what happened to us?"
I have so many thoughts on this subject, I think I could write a book. You're children are the biggest blessing in your life. The way it feels to hold your newborn baby, to look into your toddlers eyes and just see the wonder and amazement they have for everything, to ponder them as they grow and start having dreams of their own, or to watch in awe as they walk down the aisle on their wedding day, really, all of these stages are just windows of opportunity in our lifetime. They are always there, presenting themselves. Don't ever underestimate the power of them.
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