Psalms 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
I was sitting in the laundromat with my 3 month old daughter waiting for, what seemed like forever, my clothes to dry. She was right next to me in her car seat sleeping, as I picked up a magazine. I turned to read a story that, little did I know, would change my life. Staring up at me through the pages, was a woman who was talking about how she had to come face to face with the decision she had made earlier in her life. She had to face her decision to have an abortion. I couldn’t tell you her story, because in that moment a wave of sorrow poured over me. In an instant, I had also come face to face with my past. A past that I had never really dealt with.
In June of 1990 I had just turned 16 and was working in a local hotel/restaurant as a bus girl. The only thing I was into at that time in my life, was guys. Then, low and behold, Prince Charming was a waiter at the same restaurant! It didn’t matter to me that he had a girlfriend, as long as she didn’t find out. I guess it didn’t matter to him either. So, here we began our summer romance. In my naïve mind, I thought it would last forever, but of course, it didn’t. September came, he went off to college, I started my junior year in high school, and I was confused why I didn’t start my period that month.
Two months later I went with my friend to Planned Parenthood because she wanted to get on birth control. I still hadn’t started my period, so while we were there I decided to take a pregnancy test. Why I was shocked I don’t know, but when the nurse came back with the slip of paper that read pregnancy test positive, I was floored. I remember putting that slip of paper into my pocket and going home, dreading what I would say to my parents. I remember standing in my kitchen waiting to see my dad’s reaction when he read it. And, I remember when he asked me what I was going to do, I said very matter of factly, “I’m going to have an abortion”. There was no question in my mind, after all, what would the people at school think? What would my new boyfriend think? I didn’t even stop to ponder, that the baby inside of me, was now 3 and a half months old! I was in my second trimester.
On November 13, 1990, one month after my niece, Kara, was born, I drove to an Ashland clinic and had an abortion. Afterward, I went home and the same girlfriend who was with me when I found out I was pregnant, came by to see how I was doing. Her hair or make-up wasn’t perfect that day so the first words that came out of my mouth to her were not, “Thank you for coming over”, or "Thank you for checking on me", but instead, “You look like sh**”) She looked at me almost with disgust, and left.
Later that year, I would meet the man who has been my amazingly wonderful husband for 18 years now. Two years after we got married, we went to church one Sunday morning, and got saved. Our lives had been totally transformed. I never really thought about the abortion. I had just put it behind me. I knew I was forgiven, and I left it at that. This went on for years. The only people who knew about it were my parents, my friend, the father (who I never saw again), and my husband. It was as if it never happened, and I definitely never let it sink in. That is until I was sitting in the laundromat.
As I read the article in the magazine and looked at my beautiful baby next to me, the first of our four, everything that I had done came back to me. My heart was broken. I thought about how much I loved my daughter, and how I was so thankful to be a Mom. I thought about how blessed I was, when there are so many women out there who can't have children, yet want them so badly. Then I thought about how I chose to murder my child without giving it a second thought. It was overwhelming. For weeks, thoughts of my past plagued me. The realization of it all, broke me. I fell quickly from brokenness, to complete condemnation.
On a Wednesday night my husband and I went to church like we always do, but this Wednesday we had a guest speaker. To this day I couldn’t even tell you who he was, not even if I saw him. Right before he got into the message, he said , “he had such a strong feeling about something he just had to mention it”. “Someone here in this place tonight is suffering from a broken heart, and God wants to heal you.” He continued to say that after the service was over, he wanted to pray for whoever that was. My heart immediately begin to pound. I knew he was talking to me. Now mind you, not one person in the church knew about the abortion, except for my husband. So really, no one knew how bad I was suffering. I became really good at putting on a good face. I leaned over to my husband and told him that I was the one with the broken heart, and I needed God to touch me, to heal me. As the service was about to end I started having doubts. I thought, maybe I wasn’t the one who needed prayer, and if I was, what would everybody think once they knew what I had done. I slowly started to talk myself out of going down. The evening was ending, and people were starting to leave when the minister got back on the microphone and said, “the person who has a broken heart is still out there, and God wants to heal you.” At that point I knew it was me, and I practically ran down to the altar. As I was standing there with my husband, the preacher came over and very quietly whispered, “You don’t even have to tell me what you’ve done. God knows you, He loves you, and He wants to heal your heart tonight. Whatever it is you are dealing with, He is telling you to draw a line in the sand tonight, and never again look back at that situation the same again.” Then he prayed over me. I instantly was healed. All feelings of guilt and condemnation were gone. I knew God’s hand was upon me, and I know God’s hand is upon that child.
From that day on I believed that He would use me to help other women who have either had an abortion, or ones who are contemplating abortion, to let them know there’s a better way. There's other choices that can be made. To let them know that if they have already had an abortion then feeling broken is ok, it’s good. If we're not broken over our sin, then I would venture to say, it hasn't been dealt with completely. But, there’s hope and a future when you let God take what Satan meant for evil, and turn it to good.
There are so many women who are suffering from past mistakes. Maybe abortion wasn't the issue, but something else. My message to you, is the same. I don't know why I chose now to tell my story, this way. I trust that God does. My prayer is that it will help someone. I will never be proud of, or condone, the choice I made. However, I will never let Satan shut my mouth, and not tell of how an amazing, wonderful, forgiving, God can change your testimony, and heal the broken hearted.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Jealousy
The first time I ever can remember really being jealous of someone was in grade school. My best friends family had a lot of money, and would constantly be getting new things. We, on the other hand, were struggling financially, and it started being that every time I would see her in something new, I would get jealous. That old familiar feeling has tried to be my friend throughout life. However, not just in the area of relationships, but at times, in ministry too.
JEALOUS - hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage.
RELATED WORDS: controlling, demanding, grasping; covetous, envious, invidious, jaundiced; distrustful, mistrustful, suspicious
We all deal with iniquitous roots. Some of us have a tendancy to be thieves or liars. Others may deal with anger, rage, alcoholism, or drug abuse. Me, one of my iniquitous roots, one that I've had to fight all my life, has been insecurity...which tends to lead to jealousy. Deep down, there has been that feeling of "I'm not good enough" or inadequacy. Therefore, anyone who comes across as being "good enough" has, at times, been in my direct line of fire.
Some of the consequences of being jealous or envious are, falling into a mode of self pity, anger, bitterness, depression, and broken relationships. Unfortunatley, the relationships that get broken are usually close ones. Eventually envy and jealousy, if not defeated, can lead to death. In Genesis we see this in the account of Cain and Abel.
How do we overcome this, or any root, that tries to be our friend? When the Lord was talking with Cain before he murdered Abel, He said this:
Gen 4:6-7
6 So the Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it."
NKJV
Sin always makes an attempt to come to our door - but it is not to rule over us, we are to rule over it! We do this, not in our own strength, but by walking in the fruit of the Spirit.
Gal 5:22-26
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
NKJV
Learning to walk in the Spirit is a process. It doesn't happen over night. That is why being in the Word consistantly and having people who you allow to speak truth into your life is so important. We were never meant to do this alone. When I have old ways of thinking try to creep up, I have to be able to rule over it. To much time has already been wasted on being a slave to iniquitious roots. Today's the day to overcome!
JEALOUS - hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage.
RELATED WORDS: controlling, demanding, grasping; covetous, envious, invidious, jaundiced; distrustful, mistrustful, suspicious
We all deal with iniquitous roots. Some of us have a tendancy to be thieves or liars. Others may deal with anger, rage, alcoholism, or drug abuse. Me, one of my iniquitous roots, one that I've had to fight all my life, has been insecurity...which tends to lead to jealousy. Deep down, there has been that feeling of "I'm not good enough" or inadequacy. Therefore, anyone who comes across as being "good enough" has, at times, been in my direct line of fire.
Some of the consequences of being jealous or envious are, falling into a mode of self pity, anger, bitterness, depression, and broken relationships. Unfortunatley, the relationships that get broken are usually close ones. Eventually envy and jealousy, if not defeated, can lead to death. In Genesis we see this in the account of Cain and Abel.
How do we overcome this, or any root, that tries to be our friend? When the Lord was talking with Cain before he murdered Abel, He said this:
Gen 4:6-7
6 So the Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen? 7 If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it."
NKJV
Sin always makes an attempt to come to our door - but it is not to rule over us, we are to rule over it! We do this, not in our own strength, but by walking in the fruit of the Spirit.
Gal 5:22-26
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.
NKJV
Learning to walk in the Spirit is a process. It doesn't happen over night. That is why being in the Word consistantly and having people who you allow to speak truth into your life is so important. We were never meant to do this alone. When I have old ways of thinking try to creep up, I have to be able to rule over it. To much time has already been wasted on being a slave to iniquitious roots. Today's the day to overcome!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Clearing Things Out
One of the things about me that you may not know is I am a yard sale junkie. I love almost everything about them. I love seeing them on the street, I love going to them, I love hearing about the deals people get from them, I love having them, and I love the way it can clean out a garage! The only thing I don't like about them is the overwhelming mess it makes while you are getting ready to clear things out.
This last weekend was my turn to HAVE a yard sale. So for a few days before the sale I was dragging things out of my garage, out of my kitchen, out of my bedrooms, and out of every other part of my house. If you're going to clear things out, you want to make sure you get everything, right? I know I do! I don't want to go through all of the work, all the dust, making all the poster signs, and not get everything out that needs to go.
Isn't it the same in our lives? At times we have to go through every part of our life and ask, "Does that need to go?" or "What about this?" So many times we can take on extra baggage like stress, fear, insecurity, disappointments, etc. until we finally get to that place where we know it's time to clear things out!
I usually have a yard sale once a year - and that's ok when it comes to natural things. But when it comes to our life, we should be looking at it a lot more then that. Some things, we even need to look at daily. I can tell you, from experience though, that when you begin to open up the rooms of your heart, it can be overwhemling. You might even say what I said last week when I was getting our yard sale ready - "What was I thinking???" But, you know, in the end, it's worth it!
Is God asking you to clear things out? If so, understand that for those of us who are in Christ - we are not alone! I love the Scripture that says, "He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it." I've thought about that many times, concerning the call of God on my life. But, I believe it also fits in this context. If God is beginning a work in you, to clear baggage out of your life - then as long as you are obedient to what He's asking you to do, then He will be faithful to complete it!
Is it time?
This last weekend was my turn to HAVE a yard sale. So for a few days before the sale I was dragging things out of my garage, out of my kitchen, out of my bedrooms, and out of every other part of my house. If you're going to clear things out, you want to make sure you get everything, right? I know I do! I don't want to go through all of the work, all the dust, making all the poster signs, and not get everything out that needs to go.
Isn't it the same in our lives? At times we have to go through every part of our life and ask, "Does that need to go?" or "What about this?" So many times we can take on extra baggage like stress, fear, insecurity, disappointments, etc. until we finally get to that place where we know it's time to clear things out!
I usually have a yard sale once a year - and that's ok when it comes to natural things. But when it comes to our life, we should be looking at it a lot more then that. Some things, we even need to look at daily. I can tell you, from experience though, that when you begin to open up the rooms of your heart, it can be overwhemling. You might even say what I said last week when I was getting our yard sale ready - "What was I thinking???" But, you know, in the end, it's worth it!
Is God asking you to clear things out? If so, understand that for those of us who are in Christ - we are not alone! I love the Scripture that says, "He who began a good work in you, will be faithful to complete it." I've thought about that many times, concerning the call of God on my life. But, I believe it also fits in this context. If God is beginning a work in you, to clear baggage out of your life - then as long as you are obedient to what He's asking you to do, then He will be faithful to complete it!
Is it time?
Monday, July 12, 2010
Rest Areas
This last week we went over to the coast for the 4th of July - as I've mentioned before - it's tradition :) On the way there, is a big tunnel you not only drive through, but you also must honk your horn and scream the whole way through! When you see this tunnel, you know you are getting closer. In fact, you're only about 1 hour away. On the other side, is a rest area. Our intention was to go straight past the rest area, and keep heading to our destination. Plans changed, when the transmission on our Suburban decided to go out. So there we were, parked. What we hoped would be a quick trip, suddenly became much longer.
During our 4 1/2 hours at the rest area, Timothy, Anna, and I found a spot on the grass where we would "huddle up". We talked about keeping a good attitude, having patience, and how we had to keep focus on getting to the coast. I must say, I was very proud of both of them! Knowing that Emily and Christopher were already there, didn't discourage them at all.
Without going in to all the details of everything - things worked out. We got to where we were headed, and had a wonderful vacation :)
Thinking about this detour, I think about how many times in life we are headed in a certain direction, not intending to stop, and many times, unexpected events happen and we are forced to stop. I will call them the "rest areas" of life. Some rest areas are consequences of things we may have done, and some rest areas happen without any warning and not because of anything we have done.
I wish I could say in every detour of my life, I had a good attitude, was patient, and kept focus on the original destination. But I haven't...in fact most of the time, I do quite the opposite. I pray that I learn a lesson this week, from my children.
What keeps you rooted and grounded when disappointments, delays, or unexpected problems happen? What would happen if we always reacted to what we feel? I know if I always gave in to my emotions, my world would be torn apart. What about you? I believe you have to live principally. I also believe, you find those pricipals in the Word of God.
The Bible says that the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. When we are stopped at the "rest areas" of life - do not fear - keep your eyes and heart focused on the Lord, and He will bring you to the original destination.
During our 4 1/2 hours at the rest area, Timothy, Anna, and I found a spot on the grass where we would "huddle up". We talked about keeping a good attitude, having patience, and how we had to keep focus on getting to the coast. I must say, I was very proud of both of them! Knowing that Emily and Christopher were already there, didn't discourage them at all.
Without going in to all the details of everything - things worked out. We got to where we were headed, and had a wonderful vacation :)
Thinking about this detour, I think about how many times in life we are headed in a certain direction, not intending to stop, and many times, unexpected events happen and we are forced to stop. I will call them the "rest areas" of life. Some rest areas are consequences of things we may have done, and some rest areas happen without any warning and not because of anything we have done.
I wish I could say in every detour of my life, I had a good attitude, was patient, and kept focus on the original destination. But I haven't...in fact most of the time, I do quite the opposite. I pray that I learn a lesson this week, from my children.
What keeps you rooted and grounded when disappointments, delays, or unexpected problems happen? What would happen if we always reacted to what we feel? I know if I always gave in to my emotions, my world would be torn apart. What about you? I believe you have to live principally. I also believe, you find those pricipals in the Word of God.
The Bible says that the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord. When we are stopped at the "rest areas" of life - do not fear - keep your eyes and heart focused on the Lord, and He will bring you to the original destination.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Freedom
When it comes to the 4th of July our minds can think of so many different things. For us, as a family, we have gone over to the coast for the last 11 years to watch the fireworks from the beach. Maybe you are going to someone's house this year for a BBQ, or maybe you are the one who's house everyone is coming too! Whether it be fireworks, BBQ's, parades, or however you celebrate it, we do it because we are celebrating the freedom we have here in the United States of America.
I want to take a moment and honor the men and women who have, are, or are going to be serving in the military. Everyday there are those on the front lines risking their lives for our nation. For the families who are here, waiting for their loved ones to return, I want to thank you also. I'm sure it's not easy, but I know you are proud.
In our lives, though we live in this beautiful country that represents freedom, are there times when you don't feel free? It's the same concept as being in a room full of people, and yet still feeling lonely. You can be free in one area, and yet bound in another. As a Christian woman, I am here to tell you, that you can experience true freedom. It comes through the blood of Jesus Christ, and receiving Him as your Lord and Savior. The Bible tells us very plainly that Jesus came to set us free. Free from sin, free from fear, free from past mistakes, free from depression, free from addictions, free from loneliness - etc. We were never meant to try and live this life in our own strength.
In my life, there have been so many times I have fallen into a cycle. You know, when you're convinced that you have conquered whatever it is you need to, only to find out you didn't. There is a battle going on in the spiritual realm, and as much as there is a real God, there is also a real devil. Believe me, he knows what buttons to push...however, Scripture says very clearly that we have authority over the enemy in the name of Jesus! When he comes and trys to tell you that you aren't an overcomer, and that you'll never change - you come back to fight him - with the Word of God. When you do that you will find freedom.
I want to leave you with a couple of Scriptures, and a thought. When you have been set free, what greater gift can you give someone who is still bound? That is why Isaiah said, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, to set the captives free." Let us learn from those who willingly lay their lives down for our nation's freedom - every day, they are out there on the front line - giving no place to the enemy. Could we possibly do the same, as Christians, for lost souls?
Isa 61:1
61 "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
NKJV
John 10:10
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
NKJV
I want to take a moment and honor the men and women who have, are, or are going to be serving in the military. Everyday there are those on the front lines risking their lives for our nation. For the families who are here, waiting for their loved ones to return, I want to thank you also. I'm sure it's not easy, but I know you are proud.
In our lives, though we live in this beautiful country that represents freedom, are there times when you don't feel free? It's the same concept as being in a room full of people, and yet still feeling lonely. You can be free in one area, and yet bound in another. As a Christian woman, I am here to tell you, that you can experience true freedom. It comes through the blood of Jesus Christ, and receiving Him as your Lord and Savior. The Bible tells us very plainly that Jesus came to set us free. Free from sin, free from fear, free from past mistakes, free from depression, free from addictions, free from loneliness - etc. We were never meant to try and live this life in our own strength.
In my life, there have been so many times I have fallen into a cycle. You know, when you're convinced that you have conquered whatever it is you need to, only to find out you didn't. There is a battle going on in the spiritual realm, and as much as there is a real God, there is also a real devil. Believe me, he knows what buttons to push...however, Scripture says very clearly that we have authority over the enemy in the name of Jesus! When he comes and trys to tell you that you aren't an overcomer, and that you'll never change - you come back to fight him - with the Word of God. When you do that you will find freedom.
I want to leave you with a couple of Scriptures, and a thought. When you have been set free, what greater gift can you give someone who is still bound? That is why Isaiah said, "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, to set the captives free." Let us learn from those who willingly lay their lives down for our nation's freedom - every day, they are out there on the front line - giving no place to the enemy. Could we possibly do the same, as Christians, for lost souls?
Isa 61:1
61 "The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me,
Because the Lord has anointed Me
To preach good tidings to the poor;
He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
NKJV
John 10:10
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
NKJV
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